The definition of healing is: to make healthy, whole, or sound; restore to health;
When a person has a physical affliction like disease, or sickness or damage to the body, the idea of being "physically healed" is comforting and longed for. We want our bodies restored to original health. When one has emotional damage the desire to be healed is to be able to be restored and to forget. When emotional damage happens because of loss, the healing is much more complicated.
I don't ever want the stabbing pains of missing Ryan to go away. I have this sense that if it goes away that means I will have forgotten him; I don't ever want to forget him. The pain reminds me of who he was and the joy he brought to our lives. So, what kind of healing am I looking for?
I want to continue to be able to feel the pain of loss and let it settle in and, remember. The remembering makes me feel closer to him. But then, the healing piece is me CHOOSING Jesus in that pain and him meeting me on the other side. This, to me is healing. It is finding Jesus in the pain and allowing him to strengthen and change me in the process. I don't want the pain to be what defines me, but the strength that comes out of it.
An example of this type of healing happened yesterday. I woke up with a pit in my stomach and tears brimming in my eyes. As I sat and read FaceBook posts of perfect, lovely lives of others I got more and more irritated. I have no idea why this was happening other than the night before I was "doing life" attending high school volleyball and football games and was smacked in the face with many memories of our life with Ryan. I guess that is a good enough reason to have the rush of pain flow in. So, I'm sitting there, with a beautiful fall day ahead of me and I was getting sadder and more irritated with each passing minute. I let a few tears fall, looked up at my son's beautiful portrait and let it all just sink in. Looking at his portrait always makes me shape up because I can hear him telling me he loves me but get off my butt and don't waste the day. I had a conversation with God about it. I scolded him, thanked him and then asked him to help me with my day, and then made my move.
I took a deep breath and exhaled out the sadness and then hopped out of my chair, washed my face and took my dog for a walk in the beautiful Fall morning...and the trajectory of my day changed. It ended up being a beautiful Fall day with my family and the spring in my step returned. I got to spend a little time with Ry in the morning and then spent the rest of the day with the living. God met me on the other side of my pain and gave me the strength to move forward.
Healing from ANY pain, physical or emotional, can be found by CHOOSING to live in joy with our wounds. That joy comes by turning the pain over to Jesus and allowing him to move us forward. There is no other way. Jesus really is the only answer.
O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
Psalm 30:2
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:11
