Celebrating 21 years.........

We are soon approaching Ryan’s 21^st Birthday, Thursday, February 28, 2013.  I’ve heard from many who have gone before me that for a grieving heart,  birthdays are the worst event to have to get through.  Consequently, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what Ryan’s 21^st birthday might look like.  I must admit, I’m at odds with myself.  I, once again, feel like a complete misfit.  I’m not looking at Ryan’s birthday with a heavy heart, but rather a heart of celebration that Ryan gets to spend his 21^st birthday with his Creator, the one who thought him into existence.

This is how my mind has processed this upcoming event:

Over 21 years ago God determined that a baby boy must come into this world with a huge splash and then continue to make splashes until his early departure from earth at age 20. This boy would have purpose.  This boy would cause people to stretch their minds and their hearts and leave a lasting impression wherever he went.  It would not be easy to parent him because of his unique characteristics but God had fashioned a couple that would love him well and do everything in their power to encourage him to pursue a life in Christ; Tom and Gail Wahl.  So on February 28, 1992 Ryan Wahl became a gift to the world at 9 lbs, 15 oz and began his amazing life as the child of Tom and Gail Wahl.

Ryan was a fun baby and toddler; always smiling and making it easy to smile back at him.  His curly light brown hair, big brown eyes and hilarious faces made him an easy baby to be around.  It wasn’t until Kindergarten, that Ryan began to really find his will and his own mind; this is when he started fighting the norms and insisting on being different.  He wasn’t that little boy that sat in his seat quietly and did all that was asked; he was that little boy that the teacher continually had to find creative ways to keep busy and focused.   He rarely made it through the week, let alone the day, without check marks. We still have the little pile of marbles that he was told to keep in his pocket and when he started getting antsy he was to play with the marbles instead of bothering his neighbor.  These kinds of “tricks” were sought all the way through elementary school.  The word “sought” is used because there were no tricks that really worked for this little boy who was designed to think outside those teacher’s little boxes and to move outside those little desks.  Gail and Tom were challenged to figure out how to make this little boy fit within the world’s boxes; but they would never give up and they continued to love.

Ryan became homeschooled in Jr. High and Tom and Gail began to see why this little boy struggled with the “norm”; he caught on quickly while looking like he wasn’t paying attention.  He understood rapidly what others pondered at length.  He was bored with learning and wanted to move and experience life; learning was a waste of time.  As Ryan longed to experience life and got the deeper things, his short term, in the moment thinking wasn’t quite as swift.  Tom and Gail spent many moments asking, “Ryan, what were you thinking;” only to be met with a blank stare or drawn out reply, “Nothing?”  It was as if he was saying, “Should I have been thinking?”  Many exasperated and embarrassing moments for Tom and Gail ensued throughout Jr. High and into High School until Gail prayed for God to show them glimpses of what this young, smart, exciting, fun filled boy who often wasn’t thinking would become?  It was in those glimpses that God revealed that this young boy, this Huckleberry Finn that could get others to do his bidding, that could make you smile when you wanted to yell, that could bring fun when others couldn’t find it, this young boy was going to be an incredible young man that God would use greatly.  These glimpses are what got Tom and Gail through the tough teen years.  Every once in a while they would see the potential and think, “Oh, that’s what it is going to look like!” The embarrassment began to subside and Tom and Gail began to embrace his uniqueness and not fight it, as much.  They began to see that God created Ryan to be something different and in that difference there were many treasures.  

A life of Faith was always at the core of the Wahl household; above academics, above accomplishments, a saving faith in Jesus and a life that pursued the things of God were the foundation that held them together and gave them their footing.  Ryan grasped this foundation even through all his shenanigans.   When his mind was conflicted with does and don’ts, his heart was never far from the Lord’s.  As maturity set in Ryan began to find balance over what his heart desired; the pursuit of Christ and what his mind battled, the things of the world.   Ryan wasn’t perfect when he went to live with Jesus but he had asked Jesus in his heart many years ago and made Him Lord of his life while in New Zealand with YWAM and his life had become a pursuit of the things of the Lord. This was evident through his conversation, through what he read, by how he spent his time, by whom he spent his time with. 

Tom and Gail are confident that Ryan is living in abundance with the One whom he pursued, Jesus Christ.  He is living with the One whom they introduced Ryan to from infancy on.  Gail and Tom accomplished their mission; to raise a child to love God and pursue the things of Christ so the child could spend eternity with their Savior.

This is how I am processing this 21^st birthday for my son.  I plan to celebrate the completion of a job I held for almost 20 years that had the results I pursued.   Oh, there will be tears, no doubt, but I’m guessing that any tears of sorrow will be washed over with tears of joy as I envision my son dancing on the streets of gold with his Savior, the one whom he pursued.   

I want to share an excerpt from an email I received this week from one of Ryan’s high school friends who was sharing the impact Ryan’s life AND death continues to have on him:

“A couple weeks ago a man was speaking at my church. He was talking about someone in his life that had passed away, and he talked about how in heaven time is much different than how we perceive it here on earth. And he pointed out that to us it might be years before we get to heaven, but to the person that is there already, it is mere moments. So if you think about it, Ryan will just be walking in when maybe he will turn around and see you.:) Isn't it so amazing that we have a God that loves us so much, that He would give us the opportunity to be in His presence, forever.... our lives are but vapors, the real joy is once we get up there, and all worship at his feet TOGETHER.”

I live with the phrase in my head, “I’ll see you soon, but not yet!”   I imagine Ryan turning and  saying soon, “There you are!”  It is a sweet conversation I play in my mind and am so grateful that I have the confidence of knowing this conversation can take place.  I am grateful my parents spent the days of my youth modeling a life of Faith in Jesus Christ so that I could pass that on to my children and can now experience the peace and freedom of knowing, “I will see my son soon, but not yet!”

On Thursday I plan on singing and meaning, “Happy Birthday to you Ryan!”