It is a week from Easter. We did not celebrate Easter last year. It came and went and my Easter candy for the
Easter baskets and the meal I had bought to prepare lay untouched for
weeks. I honestly didn’t even realize we
had missed it. Last year, even though Ryan left us on April
7, it was the day before Easter.
As we near this Easter and the anniversary of Ryan being
gone for a year, I wasn’t sure how I would feel about Easter. I was kind of letting it just “happen”
without trying to put feelings around it.
But something amazing has happened; I
went to the “Thorn” production (the telling of the story of the Cross) at New
Life church. I have been before and found
it powerful, but this time I went mainly because someone had given us free
tickets and my daughter really wanted to go.
Oh what a silly woman I am to not have had the forethought that it might
be rough.
Scene one, this precious little girl comes dancing down
the aisle and stops at my row to dance before me; at least that is what it felt
like. Beautiful music reflecting God’s
glory filled the auditorium and this little one dancing for her Savior. My eyes
began to moisten. The story moves quickly as Adam and Eve descend from the
ceiling and the actors move through life before Christ, his birth,
his death and then resurrection.
I was stricken by the miracles Christ performed before
his death; one in particular when He raised the little girl from death. When she came to life and the crowd roared, my
mind immediately went to the thought that God could have saved Ryan from his
fall. I’m sure He saved him numerous
times throughout his life; why not this time?
Why did He choose to save this little girl and not my son? And then the narrator (the disciple John) spoke
of his favorite miracle; his own salvation and rebirth in Christ. The pit in my stomach began to fade and my heart
began to warm as truth began to settle over me.
God did not perform the miracle of saving Ryan, but He has been
performing miracles in many lives because of Ryan’s life and death; changed lives
for Christ. Isn’t that what living is
all about? Ah, the miracle of a new Life
in Christ.
Scenes continue of Jesus walking as we do, reminding me He
experienced pain and suffering and temptation, yet kept the bigger picture in
mind and did the hard things for the greater good. The scene at Gethsemane reminded me of Jesus’
humanity; He anguished in prayer with sweat drops of blood as the demons and
angles battled.
Luke
22:41-44 “He pulled away from them about a stone’s throw, knelt down, and
prayed, “Father, remove this cup from me. But please, not what I want. What do you want?” At once an angel from
heaven was at his side, strengthening him. He prayed on all the harder. Sweat,
wrung from him like drops of blood, poured off his face.”
I imagined this battle happening daily in my life as I
make my choices of joy or sorrow, anger or peace, truth or lies. The visual of angles fighting the battle with
me gave me confidence to continue to purpose to defeat the enemy daily. I purpose, he will not win.
One of the most heart wrenching scenes was Christ being
tortured; tortured to save my soul. He
knew this was coming, He chose that pain.
He could have stopped it at any time; but He didn’t. He went to the cross for me. He took my sins upon him and laid them there
upon the cross. The truth of that often gets dulled in my life. But this Easter, I think the reality of it
will be so much more powerful; I needed to be saved, and He saved me! He saved
Ryan and now Ryan is living out that eternity with His Savior.
My heart nearly popped out of my chest when the scene arrived where Jesus rose from the grave. The crowd began to dance with jubilee and Jesus was greeting and hugging everyone in delight. A little one ran up to Jesus and He
swirled her around in pure joy.
I imagined that kind of entrance for Ryan, pure delight. Jesus reaching for him and saying, “I’m so glad you are home” and
Ryan replying, “I’ve been waiting with anticipation to be here!” I silently sobbed with joyfulness at this thought. That
will be my entrance someday and that of others. I am waiting with anticipation.
There was a song that was played, “Just To Be With You.” It
wrecked me. It had so many meanings for
me; Jesus paying the full price to be with me, Ryan giving his life (he would
have volunteered) so others may find Jesus, me being willing to recognize that
giving up my son has allowed others to find Jesus and draw closer to Him; my
heart soared with emotion.
No, Easter will never be the same. It will be filled with deep meaning as I see myself
in the Story of The Cross; the miracles, the sacrifice, the pain, the substitution, the
Life! My faith rests in the assurance
that God is still seated on His throne and because of this I can calmly await
the time when I can run into His arms saying, “All things have worked together for good!” Romans 8:28.
And I will be home.
The amazing thing that has happened? I am grateful Easter will never be the same.
Oh Gail- I could not have put this better myself. I experienced a lot of these same emotions this Easter. This was the first without my dad and it was the hardest and most raw, and yet the most meaningful Easter I've ever experienced. Praise Jesus for defeating the power of death. Thank you thank you thank you for this- you are a blessing.
ReplyDeleteKristen Olson-Wicklund