Mother’s Day is approaching again. I find myself asking, “Why do we have to
celebrate this Hallmark holiday? Why do
we have to highlight a day to celebrate moms when each day should be that kind
of day?” Highlighting this day only
makes it more painful for those who could not bear children, for those whose
children have turned their backs and for those that have lost children. I am one of them now. I am one whose joy and sorrow is painfully highlighted.
I have always enjoyed celebrating my motherhood and looked forward to Mother’s Day with delight, seeing it as a celebration of God’s gifts to me. In my joy I had no real vision for those who might find this day painful. I see you now, I understand your pain. Like you, I step into it feeling my own desire for something different, the thing that I think would make me complete. I am torn between looking forward to celebrating the opportunity I have had to mother the gifts right in front of me and the anguish of missing the one who can no longer celebrate with me; the one who started me on my journey of motherhood. I foresee this as being a day that will forever hold mixed emotions, the joy of what is and the sorrow for what cannot be.
I can already see the gleaming mothers walking into church
with their passel of children surrounding them in the pews, faces beaming,
offering each other special touches throughout the service. It is a beautiful picture; giver of life,
gift of life. I know what this looks
like because I have been that mom for 20 years.
But now I see other faces, those who look on longingly and those that
look on with pain. My picture and my
view have changed. The strokes of my
picture are textured with sorrow and joy and I continue to ask God to show me
the beauty in my new picture. For He
promises “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy”. Psalm 126:5
I believe in His promises, but I still wonder if I can fully
celebrate the gift of motherhood on Mother’s Day with the searing pain of my
reality. I wonder if my children will
always feel robbed, as I do, of the
pure joy of Mother’s Day? I hope not, but I cannot be sure. Regardless of what I feel, I look to His Word for His promises and for how the faithful
have responded. I can’t ignore what Job
said, "The LORD gave me what I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD!" Job 1:21 Others have gone before me for thousands of years and walked this road. I am not the first one. Others have gone before me and have chosen to praise the Lord.
So here is what I do know, God knows. He knows of my
sorrow, He knows my uncertainty, He knows of my conflict between celebrating my
present and mourning my past. He knows
how my children step into Mother’s Day with trepidation, knowing their mother’s
heart is celebrating and broken at the same time. God knows. And because God knows and holds my yesterdays and my
tomorrows, I can step forward in my uncertainty for what will be. I can trust Him to hold me, to comfort me and
to fill my heart with joy when the rubble of the day has emptied it. I don’t have to have all the answers; I just
need the Faith to step forward, trust and rest in His promises. God knows, and that is really all this mom needs to know as I step into this
Mother’s Day.
“For I KNOW the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to
harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
