Friday, May 10, 2013

Mother's Day......GOD KNOWS


 

Mother’s Day is approaching again.  I find myself asking, “Why do we have to celebrate this Hallmark holiday?  Why do we have to highlight a day to celebrate moms when each day should be that kind of day?”   Highlighting this day only makes it more painful for those who could not bear children, for those whose children have turned their backs and for those that have lost children.  I am one of them now.  I am one whose joy and sorrow is painfully highlighted.  
 
I have always enjoyed celebrating my motherhood and looked forward to Mother’s Day with delight, seeing it as a celebration of God’s gifts to me.  In my joy I had no real vision for those who might find this day painful.  I see you now, I understand your pain.  Like you, I step into it feeling my own desire for something different, the thing that I think would make me complete.  I am torn between looking forward to celebrating the opportunity I have had to mother the gifts right in front of me and the anguish of missing the one who can no longer celebrate with me; the one who started me on my journey of motherhood.    I foresee this as being a day that will forever hold mixed emotions, the joy of what is and the sorrow for what cannot be.
 
 
I can already see the gleaming mothers walking into church with their passel of children surrounding them in the pews, faces beaming, offering each other special touches throughout the service.  It is a beautiful picture; giver of life, gift of life.  I know what this looks like because I have been that mom for 20 years.  But now I see other faces, those who look on longingly and those that look on with pain.  My picture and my view have changed.  The strokes of my picture are textured with sorrow and joy and I continue to ask God to show me the beauty in my new picture.  For He promises “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy”. Psalm 126:5

I believe in His promises, but I still wonder if I can fully celebrate the gift of motherhood on Mother’s Day with the searing pain of my reality.  I wonder if my children will always feel robbed, as I do, of the pure joy of Mother’s Day? I hope not, but I cannot be sure.  Regardless of what I feel, I look to His Word for His promises and for how the faithful have responded.  I can’t ignore what Job said, "The LORD gave me what I had, and the LORD has taken it away.  Praise the name of the LORD!"  Job 1:21 Others have gone before me for thousands of years and walked this road.  I am not the first one.  Others have gone before me and have chosen to praise the Lord. 

So here is what I do know, God knows.  He knows of my sorrow, He knows my uncertainty, He knows of my conflict between celebrating my present and mourning my past.  He knows how my children step into Mother’s Day with trepidation, knowing their mother’s heart is celebrating and broken at the same time.  God knows.  And because God knows and holds my yesterdays and my tomorrows, I can step forward in my uncertainty for what will be.  I can trust Him to hold me, to comfort me and to fill my heart with joy when the rubble of the day has emptied it.  I don’t have to have all the answers; I just need the Faith to step forward, trust and rest in His promises.  God knows, and that is really all this mom needs to know as I step into this Mother’s Day.
 
 
“For I KNOW the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11


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