Responding to Life

I sit here in my little corner of the world, taking it all in.  The windows are open and a gentle breeze is circulating from one open window to the next, curtains swaying in rhythm. The hum of the lawnmower lulls me as I stop my tasks and I become aware of this moment.

My tasks have dominated me this morning as I have made one decision after another on how to respond to all that is going on around me.  Because of my job, this morning I have had to make decisions of whether a young man can come into our transitional home,
or not.  I've had to respond to accusations from a hurting youth as they fight responsibility and accountability.  I've had to pray about how to respond to a hurting family member and discern how I can respond with support. I've had to evaluate my own actions and discern how they have impacted others. I've also had to determine how I will let the response of others impact my life.  All of life is a response; and my response matters. 

I have to respond to victimization on a daily basis.  I deal with victims and I deal with victims that have become victimizers.  Oh, how I wish I could release them from the lifestyle of victimization.  It is a life of imprisonment; a life of living behind steel bars placed there by their responses.  One bar after another, creating a life of isolation.  This is not the life God intended for us.  He created us in his own image and that image is not one of a victim:

 

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him;

male and female He created them.. 

Genesis 1:27

 

The scriptures are filled with his image; wisdom, holiness, sovereignty, faithfulness, love, graciousness, mercy, justice, kindness, forgiveness.....in none of this imagery do I see "victim".

 



As I discern my response to life I have realized I exercise a thought process when responding. I look at a situation and process some of the following questions:

 

• How can good come from this?  
• How can my response bring a positive solution?
• Did I do something to cause this negative situation?  If so, what do I need to do to make it better?
• Is not responding a better solution?
• Did they really mean to hurt me or am I being oversensitive?
• Is there something bigger going on here than what I am seeing?  Some deeper pain?

 

I am a flawed individual, I carry sin.  So unfortunately, I do not always choose to respond with a self-less intent.  But I do purpose to take myself through this questioning to make sure I am looking at the situation with as much discernment as possible.  But sometimes "ME" takes the front seat instead of "OTHERS"; "ME" becomes the victim and the reigning queen.  I hate when that happens.  It just creates more pain.  I am not into pain for myself or others so I purpose towards a response that brings good.

 

This thought process, when responding to life, is not something my parents actually sat me down to teach,  they simply modeled it throughout the years.  I am so very grateful for the gentle modeling I have received and pray that I am carrying on that legacy to my own children.

 

I remember a time in my childhood when my Dad's mom was not a fan of my mother.  My parents had done the unforgivable and had done what the scriptures said, "Leave and cleave to one another"...not your mamma.  I loved my Grandma and admired how profoundly she adored her son. She was like many mothers who love deeply and then have a hard time letting that love move forward.

It took a while for Grandma to warm up to my mom, even into our childhood.  But my mom did what she does best, she loved that little granny into a love relationship with her.  She showed kindness when it wasn't warranted, she showed love when rebuffed. She showed the image of Christ to her mother-in-law and in time, Grandma found love in her heart for the woman who had stolen her son. And on that day when Grandma took her final breath, my mother laid her head on Grandma's chest and grieved the loss as much as anyone else.

 

My sisters and I talk about mom's genuine love and THAT is what sticks in our minds.  We do not have images of her turning her back in anger at her mother-in-law or creating a rift because she was rebuffed.  She understood where Grandma's fear and pain were coming from and did all she could to reassure her that there was enough love to go around. My mom realized, her response mattered.

 

I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to have parents that modeled the image of God and not the image of man.  They modeled forgiveness and grace instead of bitterness and keeping record of wrongs.  They passed on an amazing legacy of how to respond to life.

 

My son and I were talking the other day about the loss of his brother.  His response blew me away.  He said, "Mom, there are so many worse things in life than losing my brother!"  At first I was taken aback but as we talked I understood what he was saying.  Yes, losing Ryan was horrible in the moment, and we will miss him forever, but in the big scheme of life there are people going through much worse things.  He pointed this out again the next day when I was sharing about seeing a homeless woman and a baby in a stroller hanging out at the park and how my heart hurt for that baby.  Luke closed our original conversation by saying, "Besides Mom, I'm going to see Ryan again in heaven so it isn't like I'm never going to see him again!"

 

Response and perspective, it really does matter.