Can it be?

Yesterday was Luke's birthday. He turned 16. It was another first....Luke's birthday celebrated without Ryan. But the beautiful thing is that my heart was not wrapped around what we were missing, but rather, what we have. My entire day was filled with thoughts of joy and peace over the gift God gave us 16 years ago; Luke.  Can it be?  Can I be healing?

After a child dies, it would be easy to walk with fear and caution and try to control what one still has so that we never have to experience that kind of grief again. But honestly.....honestly, I look at Luke and my arms are wide open to the Lord. He is the Lord's and I have the privilege of being his mom.  He isn't mine to control and manipulate and craft into being what I want him to be; he is mine to nurture and love and help become all God designed him to be so that he can carry out God's plan for his life.  This is such a freeing concept.  It takes the stress of perfection, accomplishment and control out of the equation.  I learned this throughout Ryan's life and God has fine tuned this thought process through his death.

Yesterday I was amazed at the freedom I felt from pain. I still had a couple of deep swallowing moments where my heart felt a longing for Ryan, but overall my heart was actually happy as I acknowledged that God has my hand. He is walking me down this road and I can trust Him with the journey. There is good in life AND death when we trust God for the outcome. This is the heavenly perspective I ask God to help me walk with each day. This is the stance I have chosen to take; standing with my arms wide open. It keeps the wasteful things of life from swallowing me up and keeps me in that place of "seeing the big picture". Honestly, I like this place; this place where "peace surpasses all understanding."  

 
  Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7  

 

This is where I am today. I don't know where I will be tomorrow, but I am trusting God for it and am feeling the healing He promises. I am walking in faith, trusting God's Word to be true and calling out His promises. It seems to be working and there is no other place I'd rather be.

Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.

I Corinthians 7:17