Reflecting on 2012

I’m sitting here in the quiet of my home while all others are nestled in their beds.  I love these quiet, alone times; they give me opportunity to reflect, prepare and just be.   I have no one expecting anything, I have no sense of being needed; I can just sit here in the presence of my Savior and “be”.  What a better way to start 2013?

                As I reflect on 2012 I have such mixed feelings, and this amazes me.  How can I have feelings of sorrow and pain when I also have feelings of peace and joy?  When I say to my Lord, “You have done some amazing things this last year!” it is framed with emotions at all levels.  This last year I had to choose to place my entire life in the palm of His hand and trust the good and the bad to Him.  It was easy to lie in His palm when my life had very few trials; it was a much greater task when my life became filled with sorrow when Ryan was taken to live out his eternity with Jesus.  But I made that choice, to put it all in His hands, and because of that I can look back at the year and acknowledge some pretty amazing things that took place.

                I read II Corinthians 9:6, 10 this morning and was able to say, “Wow!  God you did some amazing sowing with my life this year.”  This is why I can look at 2012 with peace and joy.

Remember, the man who plants only a few seeds will not have much grain to gather. The man who plants many seeds will have much grain to gather. …. It is God Who gives seed to the man to plant. He also gives the bread to eat. Then we know He will give you more seed to plant and make it grow so you will have more to give away.

I gave it all this year (all my seeds); my sorrow, my tears, my anger, my confusion, my forgiveness, my hope, my faith, my love.  In return, I was rewarded with a deepened faith and love, a hope that is filled with promise and joy and peace that surpasses all my understanding.  I was also given the opportunity to see countless lives changed (growth beyond measure).  I know these glimpses of growth are from God.  We don’t always get to see how our lives impact others but God has gifted me with many glimpses so that I continue to move forward and scatter my seeds of faith.  2012 did not go as I planned or imagined, but I have learned that I can trust Him with His plan.  No, I do not have Ryan sitting next to me as I planned, but there will be many more people sitting next to Ryan and I in eternity and isn’t that really what life is all about?  At least that is my purpose and was Ryan’s purpose in the end; gathering up sisters and brothers for a life of eternity with Jesus.

I have fought a good fight. I have finished the work I was to do. I have kept the faith. ⁸ There is a crown which comes from being right with God. The Lord, the One Who will judge, will give it to me on that great day when He comes again. I will not be the only one to receive a crown. All those who love to think of His coming and are looking for Him will receive one also. II Timothy 4:7-8

As I look to 2013 I know there will still be many moments that catch my breath with sorrow, but in those moments God will have me in His hand and I can trust Him to get me to the next step and to experience the next moment of joy as well.  In 2013 I plan on getting my physical self back in shape, but my key resolution is to keep a heavenly perspective and continue to scatter my seeds of faith in whatever way He sets before me.  If I think about it, what is the alternative? It’s an alternative I do not want any part of.