Only God....

This morning I woke up and laid there thinking, "WOW, how can this be?  It is only our 2nd holiday season without Ryan and yet my heart is looking forward to it with anticipation and not dread."  How can that be?  Only God!
 

I read something yesterday that, once again, put everything into perspective for me.  I say "once again" because God keeps sending me the same message.  When crisis happens we must adjust our life to ACT on our beliefs of God.  When the rubber meets the road in our life those truths that we hung onto are being tested.  For me, on that day after Ryan died a few my truths that were put into questions were:
 

·         God is always present with his children

·         God can be trusted

·         God protects us 24/7

·         God is faithful and will never let us down

·         God makes the right decisions

·         God is good

·         God’s way of doing things is better than mine

·         God has planned a life for me that is good

·         I can trust everything God says in his word

 

On that dreadful day, in my moment of crisis, I had to decide whether my truths were still true or did they only apply when life was going well?  It is similar to the many confident claims we make before we are parents about what we will and will not do and how others should be doing it.  When we finally hit those parental moments our confidence is shaken and we find ourselves doing and saying things we never thought we would.  The difference in this analogy is that when we come to crisis we have the option of holding onto GOD’S TRUTHS, not our own.  These are something worth clinging to; but it is a choice.

 

In my greatest moment of crisis I chose to cling to God’s truths and not run from them.  I simply said, “Show me!  Show me how your Word remains true in my life Lord when what I see doesn’t add up.”   This was a step of faith because Faith is embracing the invisible.  It is the assurance of what we hope for and the evidence of what we don’t see. (Hebrews 11:1).  I was asking God to show me what I didn’t see.

 

So here I am, seventeen months into my journey of grief and headed into my 2^nd holiday season without my son and I have found God faithful.  He has shown me how his Word remains true in my life.  I walk with a joy that could only come from him.  The only other explanation would be that I am a Pollyanna and am just pretending things are fine or that I have dishonored Ryan’s death by pretending it doesn’t matter; these statements are simply not true.  I will probably tear up throughout the holidays, wish he was here and have those stabbing darts hit me now and then; but these pieces of grief will not rob me of the joy that is in my heart.  In fact, these pieces of grief keep me in need of my Savior and will generate more depth of joy because he will meet me in those moments.

 

As I was pulling myself awake this morning and thinking these thoughts I picked up my phone and read of some heart wrenching news about some family and friends; it seems crisis moments live in all of us.  This news popped me out of bed and I couldn’t get to my “quiet place” fast enough.  I needed God to remind me, once again, that he will meet us in these moments:

 

·  He IS always present in the moment; we just have to ask for him and not run away. 

·  He CAN be trusted; we just have to put our trust in him and seek the invisible

·  He DOES protect us 24/7; the protection just might not look like we think it should

·  God IS faithful and will never let us down; we need to embrace the invisible

·  God DOES makes the right decisions; we have to trust his decisions impact more than just our lives

·  God IS good; we have to choose to trust that goodness

·  God’s way of doing things IS better than mine; we have to trust his big picture view

·  God has planned a life for me that IS good; we have to trust that what is before us is refining us for what is ahead

·  I can TRUST EVERYTHING God says in his word; I have to make this choice out of obedience to the relationship

 

Making these choices has allowed me to experience God’s presence in my life like never before; crisis brought me to this place.  Only God.

 

Crisis can either pull you into God or away from him.  Our choices determine the outcome.

 

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess,

for he who promised is faithful. 

Hebrews 10:23